Log 0018 - [Video]

[keeps_a_cool_head]

[Someone is in an angry sort of mood, given post-flood shenanigans. Scorpius is keeping himself relatively calm by usual standards, but he's tense and bristling when he makes his post]

I should like the permission of a warden to work in the lab today.

[All day. Because hell if he's going to deal with emotions.]



[Private to Horatio]

I believe I owe you an apology. The responsibility of my flooded self lies with me.

[Private to Stephanie]

Thank you for keeping the situation under manageable control.

Comments

Private;

[ichoosefight]

[ It's just not translating properly. He's right, their lives are too different, and she's not good at generalizing her own experiences in words. Abstractly she knows there's a universal truth there, if only she can put it in a way he'll understand. ]

Of course it isn't. It's different for everyone, but there still have to be things that you want. Stupid little things that aren't right or wrong but are still worth living for. Things that make you happy, even if it's just the feeling of going to bed after a really long day.

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

[He steps around the Aurora chair to sit down in it, not having the capacity to concentrate on it for as long as this conversation goes on. Already decidedly worn from his tiff with Blight, Scorpius is at somewhat of a loss of what to tell Stephanie. Stupid little things that make him happy? He has a few. But they're private, and he doesn't trust her well enough to divulge them. Doesn't trust...

Oh, well. That's one of them right there, isn't it?]

Something I want.


I would like someone I could trust absolutely. Someone who could keep my secrets. A person I could trust with my life and my purpose, to follow instructions not as I say but how I'd wish them to be done. Preferably someone who is not repulsed by my appearance and doesn't recoil from my conversation.

Private;

[ichoosefight]

Well there you go. Save the universe, then find yourself the perfect intern.

[ Yes that is what she got from that description. ]

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

An intern.

[So dry. so very, very dry]

Shall I begin conducting interviews?

Private;

[ichoosefight]

I don't think "trustworthiness" is really something you can interview for.

[ Joking, she's joking now. ]

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

No. I'm afraid not.

If you knew precisely how many people blatantly lied to your face, I doubt you'd be nearly as optimistic about trust, Stephanie. It's a far greater number than you think.

Private;

[ichoosefight]

[ This is so ironically hilarious to her that she actually snorts, loud enough that she feels the need to cover her face because wow that was embarrassing. ]

Are you kidding me? I live my whole life navigating lies. I spent most of my young adulthood fighting tooth and nail for the trust of people who wouldn't tell me their real names. I lived with a crook and a druggie, I know how often people lie to me. I'll give you a hint: it's basically all the time.

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

[The answer noticeably surprises him. Scorpius leans forward on his knees, looking Stephanie over]

Then how is it you presume to believe there is someone out there I would be willing to give my trust?

For your observations as a warden, I have never lied to you.

Private;

[ichoosefight]

It's an infinite universe. Everything has to exist somewhere.

And anyway life is too depressing when you assume the worst. I can't afford to think like that.

[ Which is not to say that she doesn't think like that - only that she knows that she mustn't. ]

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

I prefer to live in reality. Depressing or not.


[He stands up out of the chair, walking around it, before looking to Stephanie]

I suppose I could not convince you to test this with me.

Private;

[ichoosefight]

Fuck no. [ She's partly surprised by the question, partly just that adamant. ] I like my memories where they are, thanks.

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

Your memories remain inside your mind. They're only displayed and recalled from fragments you may have forgotten.

Private;

[ichoosefight]

If there's anything I've forgotten there's a 60-40 chance that I really don't want to remember it.

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

So there is nothing in your past worth recalling?

Private;

[ichoosefight]

I mean, there are bound to be a few things. Of course there would. [ But her past is a minefield, and she needs some assurance she won't get blown up. ]

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

And nothing I say can entice you to try?


Are you able to tell when I'm lying, Stephanie?

Private;

[ichoosefight]

[ There's probably something. Even just the simple act of wheedling her makes her a little more pliable. He just seems to want it so bad. ]

No. I kinda just assume it's most of the time.

[ So no, she doesn't believe you when you say you've never lied to her. She is not nearly so trusting as she likes to appear. ]

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

I omit details and obscure facts. But I have never directly lied to you. Deception, while sometimes a necessity, is something I have a history of disliking.

What would it take to convince you I was telling the truth?

Private;

[ichoosefight]

It's not as much about truth as it is about motive. The best lies are based in truth, you know? Any kid old enough to form complete sentences knows that.

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

[The answer is intelligent, and it surprises him. He hadn't expected that level of subtlety from his goofy warden]

Yes, they are.


Then according to you, my graduation is not whether I deceive; it's for which reasons.

Private;

[ichoosefight]

[ Surprise! Your energetic young warden is secretly a mature adult. ]

More or less. I think not manipulating people all the time probably has something to do with it too.

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

Manipulation is a method of survival. Perhaps in your world it's different; in the world I occupy, not being the one operating the strings means that someone is operating yours.

Private;

[ichoosefight]

I'm not sure why you're so convinced my world is all sunshine and rainbows. I'm from Gotham. The only reason we're not a nuclear wasteland is because Nightwing happened to move to Bludhaven.

Private;

[keeps_a_cool_head]

And you wish to argue against the benefit of manipulation? Have you ever even tried it?

[It's great, bro. You should try manipulating more. You'd love it.]

Private; cw: abuse...?

[ichoosefight]

I'm 18, of course I've manipulated people. But listen, I've been manipulated my whole life.

[ Her words are adamant, but her tone is matter of fact. This is what life in her world is like. ]

I was a hostage to my dad, a warm body to my boyfriend, an alibi to my teachers, a faulty tool to my childhood hero, a distraction to the love of my life, a toy to Black Mask. I've been traded, abandoned, strung along, lied to, trapped, tortured. I was told all my life that I was worthless, that justice and freedom and normalcy was for everyone else, that if I didn't color inside the lines I'd be beaten, abused, or killed. And you know what? Fuck that. And fuck everyone that treats other people like that, too.