keeps_a_cool_head | Log 0018

Log 0018 - [Video]

[Someone is in an angry sort of mood, given post-flood shenanigans. Scorpius is keeping himself relatively calm by usual standards, but he's tense and bristling when he makes his post]

I should like the permission of a warden to work in the lab today.

[All day. Because hell if he's going to deal with emotions.]

[Private to Horatio]

I believe I owe you an apology. The responsibility of my flooded self lies with me.

[Private to Stephanie]

Thank you for keeping the situation under manageable control.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

An intern.

[So dry. so very, very dry]

Shall I begin conducting interviews?

I don't think "trustworthiness" is really something you can interview for.

[ Joking, she's joking now. ]

No. I'm afraid not.

If you knew precisely how many people blatantly lied to your face, I doubt you'd be nearly as optimistic about trust, Stephanie. It's a far greater number than you think.

[ This is so ironically hilarious to her that she actually snorts, loud enough that she feels the need to cover her face because wow that was embarrassing. ]

Are you kidding me? I live my whole life navigating lies. I spent most of my young adulthood fighting tooth and nail for the trust of people who wouldn't tell me their real names. I lived with a crook and a druggie, I know how often people lie to me. I'll give you a hint: it's basically all the time.

[The answer noticeably surprises him. Scorpius leans forward on his knees, looking Stephanie over]

Then how is it you presume to believe there is someone out there I would be willing to give my trust?

For your observations as a warden, I have never lied to you.

It's an infinite universe. Everything has to exist somewhere.

And anyway life is too depressing when you assume the worst. I can't afford to think like that.

[ Which is not to say that she doesn't think like that - only that she knows that she mustn't. ]

I prefer to live in reality. Depressing or not.

[He stands up out of the chair, walking around it, before looking to Stephanie]

I suppose I could not convince you to test this with me.

Fuck no. [ She's partly surprised by the question, partly just that adamant. ] I like my memories where they are, thanks.

Your memories remain inside your mind. They're only displayed and recalled from fragments you may have forgotten.

If there's anything I've forgotten there's a 60-40 chance that I really don't want to remember it.

So there is nothing in your past worth recalling?

I mean, there are bound to be a few things. Of course there would. [ But her past is a minefield, and she needs some assurance she won't get blown up. ]

And nothing I say can entice you to try?

Are you able to tell when I'm lying, Stephanie?

[ There's probably something. Even just the simple act of wheedling her makes her a little more pliable. He just seems to want it so bad. ]

No. I kinda just assume it's most of the time.

[ So no, she doesn't believe you when you say you've never lied to her. She is not nearly so trusting as she likes to appear. ]

I omit details and obscure facts. But I have never directly lied to you. Deception, while sometimes a necessity, is something I have a history of disliking.

What would it take to convince you I was telling the truth?

It's not as much about truth as it is about motive. The best lies are based in truth, you know? Any kid old enough to form complete sentences knows that.

[The answer is intelligent, and it surprises him. He hadn't expected that level of subtlety from his goofy warden]

Yes, they are.

Then according to you, my graduation is not whether I deceive; it's for which reasons.

[ Surprise! Your energetic young warden is secretly a mature adult. ]

More or less. I think not manipulating people all the time probably has something to do with it too.

Manipulation is a method of survival. Perhaps in your world it's different; in the world I occupy, not being the one operating the strings means that someone is operating yours.

I'm not sure why you're so convinced my world is all sunshine and rainbows. I'm from Gotham. The only reason we're not a nuclear wasteland is because Nightwing happened to move to Bludhaven.

And you wish to argue against the benefit of manipulation? Have you ever even tried it?

[It's great, bro. You should try manipulating more. You'd love it.]

I'm 18, of course I've manipulated people. But listen, I've been manipulated my whole life.

[ Her words are adamant, but her tone is matter of fact. This is what life in her world is like. ]

I was a hostage to my dad, a warm body to my boyfriend, an alibi to my teachers, a faulty tool to my childhood hero, a distraction to the love of my life, a toy to Black Mask. I've been traded, abandoned, strung along, lied to, trapped, tortured. I was told all my life that I was worthless, that justice and freedom and normalcy was for everyone else, that if I didn't color inside the lines I'd be beaten, abused, or killed. And you know what? Fuck that. And fuck everyone that treats other people like that, too.

[Stepping down from the chair, Scorpius approaches Stephanie, looking her over as she speaks. It's odd, listening to her speak candidly about her past. Much of it mirrors his own in ways he prefers not to articulate. But what's curious about her is that she's found a way she prefers to live that doesn't include revenge. Or maybe it's because she took her revenge already and only then got to have her redemption. His was cut short. And the threat still exists out there, so the situations are not entirely the same.

Idly, he bends down to pick up one of her ridiculous little stuffed toys, looking it over]

When you sent your abusers to meet their fates, how did it feel?

And how would you feel knowing that they were still out there, coming after you?

[ She blinks, briefly confused by the question. Most of those people she never got revenge on, or wouldn't want it. But then she knows what answer he's looking for. ]

For a long time I was afraid to go home because I knew Black Mask would be waiting there for me, and everyone else would be there with all their disappointment. Even if I made it through I thought, I've lost everything, so what's the point?

When I finally graduated, I had to put away the idea that I would kill him myself. I knew that I was strong enough to get away if I needed to, and that was just what I had to do.

But then he got a hold of someone I care about. There wasn't any time to think about it, I had to make a choice then and there. If I hadn't just taken a gun away from a gangbanger... [ She wouldn't have shot Black Mask. Maybe Babara would be dead. Maybe Steph would be dead. She doesn't know. ]

It wasn't a good feeling. It didn't make me feel safe. I felt like now I was the danger, and I'd thrown away everything I had only just gotten back.

Revenge seldom feels good, Stephanie. Murder no matter the case, unless you are completely psychopathic, doesn't bring you joy.

[But he still would do it, and gladly, even if it ruins his own life. This is what his life was purposed for]

But sometimes it is a necessity. You may argue about choice, but in the end it may come down to only two choices: living, or dying.

Log 0018 - [Video]

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Private; cw: abuse...?

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