keeps_a_cool_head | Log 0020

It is with confidence I report that the native species here are generally of a friendlier nature. Their food is tolerable and they are easily persuaded to provide it to strangers.

They seem armed with rudimentary weapons. Theoretically any one of us could launch a successful attack and come away with minimal casualties.

If the need should arise, of course.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

Disappointing to hear, although I'll be careful not to attribute your experience to all others.

I for one have never seen it.

From:

walkingmeltdown

I know not everyone would agree with me - some people live for the thrill. The idealization. So by all means, feel free to get another's point of view on it. I'm just giving you mine.

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

I prefer to base my findings in reality, thank you.

Are you jaded beyond repair?

From:

walkingmeltdown

[He has to laugh a bit, at that wording.] Am I? Such a very good question! You know, these days I haven't the slightest.

I would have hoped so, that I had the sense to be well beyond such things by now. But, this ship does insist on continually throwing me curveballs.

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

So you feel hopeful.

[Interesting]

From:

walkingmeltdown

Yes. Still capable of feeling hopes and desires, seeing as I am still alive. Well - relatively speaking. [Seeing as they're all dead here, in a sense, if they're inmates.] Why should that be all that surprising, compared to anything else?

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

It isn't. I'm only pleased this ship has yet to break you.

From:

walkingmeltdown

When you say a thing like that, I worry it means we have separate definitions of 'break'.

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

How do you define it, Derek?

From:

walkingmeltdown

This ship has already started to wring concessions out of me, that I wouldn't grant otherwise. Up until this point in my life any relationship I've had that could be termed "friendship" is really more of an alliance - like with you. If there's feeling there, it's carefully calculated for it's worth.

Regrettably I'm starting to find that on this ship, that may no longer be the case.

[He has friends now, Scorpius. Real friends that he cares about the well-being of for nothing but it's own sake. The horror!]

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

[A cold nod; he both envies and doesn't envy the friendships Blight seems to attract. Yet another on track to graduate]

You feel compromised.

From:

walkingmeltdown

Compromised. [He echoes, carefully tasting the pronunciation on his tongue. Considering.] Yes. 'Compromised'. That really is the perfect word for it. What I'm feeling.

[And while concessions and compromise aren't the same thing, he's been in control of everything around him for so long that to some extent he's forgotten to see it that way.]

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

What are you protecting by refusing to give to what the Barge wants?

And what do you have to gain?

From:

walkingmeltdown

What the Barge wants is to make me a different person. And I prefer being myself. Who I always am. Not weak, or a bleeding heart pushover or -- brainwashed into submission!

I have been told, repeatedly, that my worldview is flawed. That I should feel guilt and remorse for the things that I have done. That I should reconsider my actions and know that they were wrong.

Do you really think I want to give those people the satisfaction of somehow having been right? That I want to turn my entire life into a waste?

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

You're very quick to think of this as an 'us versus them' situation. And that there is some underlying conspiracy to twist you into something you're not.

Having observed many graduations here since my arrival, I find it difficult to conform to this way of thinking you've embedded yourself in.

There is no overarching plan to force you to submit. Most of the wardens I've met barely have much of a plan.

You're giving them far too much credit.

From:

walkingmeltdown

[There's the kind of heated silence on his end at first that can come only from him forcing himself not to reply, to take a moment to try and calm himself.

No doubt from their sessions on controlling his wayward temper, Scorpius is by now familiar with this.]

What about you, then. What do you think is happening to you, in order to force you -- to help you in order to graduate?

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

My warden is a young girl who threatens to speak to me endlessly about her boy crushes unless I stave off my genocidal convictions where it concerns actual brainwashing.

Strictly speaking, given the right tools it wouldn't take much for me to rewrite you, Derek. If brainwashing were the solution, you would have been transformed and sent on your way long ago.

From:

walkingmeltdown

She wouldn't. [Okay that actually is kind of funny.]

I'm not sure whether that's commentary on my mental stamina or your deft hand at the field. Either way, supposing you have a point. There still is...coercion involved. Up to a point.

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

She has. And will again, I imagine.

The Barge is not a warden vs. inmate scenario. It is a past version of yourself fighting against the future version.

From:

walkingmeltdown

Who does she even have to -- no; no, never mind. Don't actually answer, I believe I prefer not to know that.

I've met at least one "future version" of myself before. I am not a fan. [Read whatever level of crazy you like into his apparent rating of "insane Mirror Barge monstrosity" as roughly equal with his changing enough to grow empathy and a conscience.]

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

Tell me about the future you would choose for yourself.

From:

walkingmeltdown

Ugh.

[It's an utterance more out of pure frustration for once than it is anger. You can't see it, Scorpius, but his head is in his hands.]

...I don't know any more, all right. Is that what you want me to say? Will that satisfy you?

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

[Scorpius, if anything, grows more calmer and alert, watching Blight blow up]

I don't want you to say anything untrue to your nature.

From:

walkingmeltdown

[He's audibly breathing through his teeth for a bit, only very vaguely able to be grateful this isn't on visual so Scorpius can actually watch him freaking out.]

What I'm still certain of is that I want to leave this wretched, noxious, tiresome, awful place. I want my freedom.

...What I should want, also, is to go back to the way things used to be, in Gotham. Back to my old life. I honestly don't know if I can do that anymore. Not after here, after all this. Not after the things that have happened to me.

From:

keeps_a_cool_head

The Barge has already changed you in that capacity. Look at yourself now, versus when you first arrived. You are noticeably different people.

But are you so fundamentally twisted into something horrific?