keeps_a_cool_head

Log 0007

[In Zero, Scorpius does what he does best: he plans. Giving him space and time to think through what he wants and how to get it is one of the unintended gifts of his cell space, and he appreciates every moment of it.

After several days, he addresses the Barge]

A question to my fellow shipmates;

When an inmate commits a grievous crime, who is to blame for it? Obviously the inmate must share some, but what percentage is attributed to them and what percentage is attributed to their warden, who may be unfit to command them? A warden may fail just as easily by not admitting to something that could be most assuredly out of their control.

And what of inmates who aren't paired and no one has taken the time to explain to them the rules?

My apologies to Alex Summers. While it was certainly my intent to hurt him, he had done nothing to harm me and was simply in the correct place at the correct time.

[Private to Crichton]

Of course, John, we all know that you are the one fully to blame.

More like Alex will follow. You cannot hope to save them all.

In a few days' time they will be forced to release me. What has changed between the time of my entering this cell and the time of my leaving it? As a deterrent towards behavior, Zero leaves much to be desired.

I am willing to entertain ideas of a deal between us.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's not true at all.

Not entirely.

But the man and the regime that killed his mother were both gone. Their threat to the world had ended.

That he took his prejudice and applied it to others similar in nature does not discount the fact that he still attained his revenge and that threat was neutralized.

That specific threat, maybe. But that doesn't change the fact that there are people out there who want to do to us what was done to his family, and he could have made the choice to eliminate the threat by assuming every human felt that way, but didn't.

That specific threat is everything.

There are other ways to solve conflicts for other threats. You can experiment with peace, with treaties, with mutual assurances.

But for something that personal and intrinsic to who he was, there was only one way. His way.

You're welcome to think that. But you're still wrong.

I suppose I could be, having never met your friend.

[But he really doesn't think he is]

I am thankful and oddly envious that he was able to grasp his revenge prior to arriving on the Barge.

I'll be happy to say I told you so if and when you do graduate.

If I graduate. Which may be a very long time in coming.

Is giving up my revenge necessary for me to graduate?

Quite possibly. I wouldn't be able to make a definite statement without getting to know you better.

[But yeah, that is definitely something you're probably going to have to do.]

[He nods, sitting back down on the cot at last. The arrogant self-assured persona seems to loosen just the smallest bit, in place of uncertainty and, strangely, sadness]

I too am under this impression.

[It's probably stupidly easy for someone with similarities to Erik to slip past his defenses, but with the reminder of how he'd targeted Alex when he was vulnerable and specifically looked to hurt him to upset someone else, it's easy to keep his emotional distance.

Still, it's also easy to feel the tiniest bit sorry that there's another person here with the same story, facing the same reality that they've effectively chosen to ruin their own lives, as much as they might like to try and cast the blame on someone else.]

Can I ask why you're so intent on revenge?

I feel as though I have been recounting this story many times today, and may recount them for days to come.

But the short version, aside from lives saved and planets kept safe, is that once I was a child very, very similar to your friend.

Imagine if your Nazis were working to perfect their genetic experimentation to create children with extraordinary ability, like yourself and your friend. Imagine that they were accomplishing this by kidnapping and impregnating women whom they believed would give them what they wanted.

Imagine that the genetic strands were incompatible and that these women and their offspring died by the dozen. Imagine that of the hundred or so attempts, there was only one surviving child in the entirety of mother-child pairs.

Then imagine that child being raised by those who had created it, fed lies and forced into experimentation to develop its gifts and punished when it did not perform as expected.

Imagine all of this and you will have a grasp on why my intent for revenge is so strong that it transcends even my death.

[Charles listens, takes his time before answering. He does feel a fair bit of sympathy for him, and wonders if John would too, if he'd known Scorpius's reasoning. He'd said he didn't know, and the telepath would like to believe that he's telling the truth. He certainly hadn't seemed like he was lying, anyway.]

Well, first of all, I want to make one thing perfectly clear: anyone who tries to say that you don't have a right to be angry with them or want them dead for what they've done to you doesn't have the right to tell you anything, as they clearly aren't anything close to emotionally intelligent. I can also promise that your being here doesn't mean that their actions are somehow justifiable, because they aren't. [He'd also like to think the reason he's never seen or heard of one of the ones responsible on board means the Admiral feels the same way - that some things can't be forgiven - but he also wouldn't put it past him to give it a shot. Hannibal was here, after all.]

You're not here because they're right and you're wrong. You might not even be here because Commander Crichton is entirely in the right, and if what you've told me is true and I believe that it is, I don't think you'll be expected to surrender total control to the Scarrans and allow them to choose the fate of your universe. You might just have to make some compromises on how you plan on combating their more hostile intentions.

[Charles' answer surprises Scorpius. He's long since gone under the assumption of being perpetually misunderstood and misjudged, and likely is under the impression that if Crichton knew of his deeper motivation, he wouldn't care. That Charles is taking the time to validate Scorpius' concerns is a treasured thing. He closes his eyes to briefly state;]

Thank you.

[Back to the present moment. Eyes now open, he observes Charles in a new, more curious light. He seems to have a boundless sympathy to him, this creature. Is this what telepathy will do to you?]

And next I expect you wish to turn more towards the topic that injuring Alex Summers will in no way benefit me.

[Even if it does make Crichton squirm]

I have no interest in pursuing more harm to your offspring.

[His point's been made, after all]

Not exactly. [He's been finding the conversation interesting, as sad as it is in a lot of ways. There are too many people out there like this, and it isn't fair to them to be made to feel like their suffering doesn't matter because their methods and life goals could do with some tweaking.

And although he's deeply relieved to her that in a lot of ways - Alex has had a bad habit of winding up in the wrong place at the wrong time recently - the information is still largely unnecessary.] As glad as I am to hear that, I wasn't especially concerned that you did. You've presented yourself as a fairly intelligent individual, and going after him would be exceptionally stupid. But thank you for the reassurance.

[Scorpius nods, both acknowledging the thanks and also that, yes, going after Alex wasn't his smartest of plans lately]

I hoped that would be the case.

[Most Peacekeepers in Scorpius' world - and most humans here, unfortunately - are usually unable to see past his grotesque exterior to the keen mind underneath. He's fondly appreciative of those who are, even if they seek to work against him]

I must admit a certain petty revenge tied into my decision to assault him. It will not happen again.

I have been speaking with John as well, concerning him. John feels it best if I apologize to Alex, but only if I convey appropriate sincerity.

[He says no more about this, curious as to what Charles believes. The idea of apologizing sounds ridiculous to his ears: the very nature of it would appear insincere and likely would be looked upon as rubbing salt in the wound.]

[It's an interesting thing to inquire about, and he does consider it rather than just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.]

I don't think it would hurt, assuming it comes from a place of sincerity rather than obligation, or coercion. [But really, Scorpius has already attacked Alex and threatened someone he cares for. The inmate can't necessarily get lower on Alex's list of favorite people.]

That being said, Alex tends to be quite stubborn, and regardless of how personal your intent was, I think it's fairly safe to say he is and will be quite upset with you for some time regardless of apology.

Given our recent history, I doubt I could do much at all to convince him of my sincerity.

[Or convince himself, more like]

Of course. It's understandable if he should never forgive me. My actions were reprehensible.

You know, your self awareness is decidedly refreshing.

Thank you. In part, it's how I've survived all these cycles.

[He pauses, considering where they are, what he is now]

Until now, of course.

And there is no change - no graduation - without a good deal of self-reflection, I imagine.

There isn't. And the more you try to fight it, the less likely you are to achieve much of anything.

Then I had best learn to allow the Barge entrance into my mind.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Log 0007

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spam! cw; discussions of rape and death

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